Domains for Sale -

Tonight after school, I stopped by the local grocery story to pick up a few items for supper. The kids waited in the van as I ran into the store for a few minutes. While there, I stopped in front of the glass door of the freezer case looking through the cold, frosty haze to try to find something quick for supper. And then I noticed her… at least I thought it was her. The gaze of my eyes shifted from what was behind the frosty glass door to the image reflected in it. Yes, there we two stood for a few moments, reflected in the glass together. She was widowed at about the same age I was– only it was over 20 years ago. She still looks so sad and lonely. Widowhood has not been easy on her. I turned to say hello, but she had already turned away, shopping on ahead of me. I wasn’t certain it was her and so I just continued to shop. But I couldn’t shake the image in the freezer case door—two widows—one younger and one older.

Sunday, March 28, 2010
One of my friends, widowed after me, has a man who is romantically interested in her. I remember her asking me shortly after her husband’s death if it ever gets easier. My answer was that of course it does. The Lord heals the broken hearted. But seeing her with this man today made me feel a twinge of jealousy at their light hearted and happy laughter. It is obvious that romance is in the air between them. She is a beautiful woman, a woman who loves the Lord. God has healed her heart and it is well with her soul. And there I sat in the pew this morning, (or should that be “mourning”?) fighting off the feelings of jealousy, discontent, and loneliness.

It is easy to look at others and compare. It is easy to feel slighted when God chooses to bless others in one way or another and you feel left out. But I can’t help but wonder how many have looked at me and felt that same jealousy when God blessed us with a new home…

I can see myself in all of this and it is interesting that it would all begin with a short trip to the grocery store. I have wondered about her—the other woman reflected in the freezer case door. I wonder if she saw the same thing I did. I wonder if her breath caught in her throat as she recognized me—and I wonder if she thought of herself when she was twenty years younger. I wonder what advice she might give me—if any– and I wonder if she harbors any regrets. But the thing that haunts my mind is this: I don’t want to be broken hearted, bitter, and miserable twenty years from now. Does widowhood have to be so difficult?

Clearly, I have a choice. I can focus on the Lord or I can focus on my circumstances and my “have-nots.” If I choose to spend my energy on all I “have not”—how long will it take before I am a miserable, bitter person? A year? Five years? Ten years? Twenty…

And then I realized that I could be that “other woman”…

I don’t want to be the “other woman” reflected in the freezer case door. I don’t want to be a widow who has turned bitter after years of loneliness and hardship. I don’t want to be a woman who hangs her hat of happiness on the hope of some future marriage or relationship that may never materialize. I don’t want to waste what God has given me—I don’t want to waste the gift of widowhood.

Maybe this rambling of mine has caused you to see a reflection of yourself and what could be… Ultimately, it is a matter of the heart.

Prayer: Lord, I don’t always understand the difficulties of this life. Help me to remember to walk by faith and not by feelings. Lord, help me to focus on You rather than the circumstances that surround me. Help me to be thankful in my joy, in my pain, in everything. Help me to celebrate and rejoice at Your handiwork in the lives of others rather than compare their blessings to what I “suppose” I don’t have. Help me to recognize and be thankful for ALL that I do have. Help me to be a woman whose heart is turned fully toward You and that my heart be fashioned by Your loving hands. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.